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Before and Again
by Meret
Title: Before and Again
Author: Meret
Feedback: meret@illuminatedtext.com
Category: Slash, Crossover
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: If I owned them, there would be a sudden, severe uniform shortage among the pilots. Summary: What was really going on with Lee in Colonial Day
This takes place before and during Colonial Day. You need to see the episode for this to make sense.
Huge thanks to Julia K. and Madelyn, my wonderful beta readers! This story is much better for their input.
Thanks also to my flist for answering questions about the crossover show.
This has all happened before, and it will all happen again. -- 1st Book of Pythia, Chapter 1, Verse 1
The ship sways, echoing the rhythm of their bodies. Flare of sensation, waves of delight as his nipple is pinched. A hand grips his hip, the crate digging into his belly as he moves thick and hot inside him.
Biting his lip to keep silent in a hidden corner of the cargo hold, unsure if the danger makes it better or worse. The secrecy makes every moment more intense, more precious, every touch and sigh to be saved in his mind and savored later, but he is so tired of furtive, rushed couplings with as little clothing removed as possible.
Turns his head for an awkward half kiss - connected and love and always. Brass buttons press into his back. Pain at the angle and he puts his head down, a lick against the back of his neck that sends shivers down his body. A hand joins his own on his cock. Wants them in the sunshine, skin fully exposed on some tropical isle where they can swim between bouts of food and love. Wants every bloody frog to rot in hell. Wants time to lose control, *loudly*. Wants . . . him, harder *there*.
Muffled footsteps and voices from above. Fingers slide between his own spread out on the wooden surface, tighten to form a fist, always stronger together than alone. Hurry, hurry. Sucking in a desperate gasp of air. The smell of sex and dust and limes. Awash in pleasure, hoisting him ever higher, rolling his foreskin, thumbing his slit; stroking faster and faster slick with sweat and pre-come as he surges in and out, hitting his secret spot now every time. Good burn and filled, current courses through his nerves, building up inside, need driving him forward, close so close, as he tightens his muscles and arches into it. "Forever," whispered against his back as they come and come.
:Galatica Officer Quarters:
Lee woke abruptly, just as he had every night for the past two weeks. He cleaned himself off with one of the tissues he'd started keeping under his pillow, then threw it angrily against the wall of his bunk. He couldn't go on like this.
Lee rarely remembered his dreams, and never this vividly. He could smell the salt in the air, hear the creaks and clangs of the rigging. He knew every inch of the ship from the strange rectangular sails to the absurd looking hats, even though he'd never set foot on or even seen anything like it in his life. Hell, he got sea-sick watching boats bob in Caprica City Bay.
It was weird enough to be dreaming about the same person night after night, but to be dreaming about having sex with a man? He'd never been attracted to another man before. It was possibly the best sex he'd ever had, it was with a *man*, and it had never even happened! It wasn't *just* sex either; that was part of what made it so good. He crossed his arm over his eyes. Even in his dreams he wasn't capable of sex without feeling. And what he felt for this man was so . . . .
*What the frak was happening to him?*
:Cloud 9:
"Your rights don't extend to roughing people up." Lee double checked the pass, memorizing the asshole's name and ship. From the Astral Queen. He should have known. "Lay a hand on anyone else, and you'll be getting to know Galactica's brig." He dropped the pass contemptuously, wondering if this excuse for a person had stood by while Cally was shot. "Well, everything's in order. Enjoy your stay on Cloud 9."
"Oh, I will."
Lee briefly watched him walk away. One step out of line, and he'd happily throw him in a cell. Scanning the crowd, he looked for anything suspicious. This place was a security nightmare. Far too many exits and viewing obstructions.
His head whipped around, mouth open in shock when he saw him. Heart pounding like the crashing of waves, Lee tore down the steps. The man's back was turned now as he walked out of Lee's area, but it was *him*. He knew it was. Lee tried to keep him in view through the shifting crowd.
Frak! He couldn't leave his post, he thought, stopping suddenly. "Kara, do you see him?" he said urgently into his collar mike. "Caucasian, 5'11", brown hair and eyes, wearing a dark suit and white shirt. He was walking toward the fountain when I lost him!"
". . . I don't see him. What'd he do? Does he have a weapon?"
"You have to see him; he was headed your direction. He's good looking - nice hair and cheekbones."
"Now I really want to find him," she said dryly. "I'll put out an alert --"
"No. I ...I must have been mistaken. Forget it." There was only one way she could have missed him.
"Lee? What's going --"
And that was if he never existed at all. "Nothing. Forget it. Adama out."
:Cloud 9 Bar:
One drink with lunch wouldn't hurt. Okay, one drink *as* lunch. He was already seeing things, so why the frak not?
He knew all the symptoms of PTSD. He'd been watching for it in his pilots, expecting outbreaks of it in the fleet. Gods knew they all deserved to be breaking after what they'd been through. But he was the CAG. He couldn't afford to lose it. There were too many lives depending on him to keep it together. If he screwed up, people died.
These dreams . . . the sex wasn't what disturbed him the most, though he didn't understand it. He was to old to be discovering his sexuality wasn't he? He'd never been attracted to another man before, and he hadn't lacked for offers. Lee mentally shrugged. Everyone sneaked looks in the showers, at least at first. It had never bothered him whether the people peeking at him were men or women.
He'd always liked the story about people originally having two heads and four arms and legs. Some were composed of two females, others two males, and some a female and male. After being separated by the gods, they were compelled to search for their missing half to be whole again. He'd always thought of himself as coming from a male/female pair though.
The worst part about the dreams, the part that had him climbing the walls, was the total feeling of love and understanding he shared with the man. They didn't just love each other either. They were best friends. And when he woke up and that wasn't there he felt . . . bereft, utterly and completely lost. That was the part that had him on edge, feeling murderous one minute, and on the verge of screaming with grief the next. He always prided himself on his control, but yesterday he'd almost made a rook specialist cry tearing into him about a stupid, routine hose replacement. He'd thought the Chief was going to deck him, and he would have deserved it. That was part of the reason he'd decided to sit alone at the bar instead of with Kara. Lee was tired of having to apologize to everyone lately. Not to mention that Kara *would* hit him.
It was Zarek's fault. It had to be. Lee played with his glass. The dreams didn't start until he'd learned he was going to head security for this Quorum summit. He was second guessing his decision to spare Zarek, and his twisted brain was turning those doubts into these strange dreams. And now by seeing phantoms apparently. Frak! That made no sense. He clenched the glass, taking another swallow of ambrosia in frustration, and almost choked when he heard Zarek`s voice on the wireless broadcast. Just what he needed.
*"We need to think about the community of citizens, the group, not the individual. We need to completely free ourselves of the past, and operate as a collective."*
"You're not interested in the citizens," Lee said in disgust. "Turn that crap off," he ordered the bartender.
:Cloud 9:
"What the frak is wrong with you!" she hissed, looking around to make sure no one in the hallway could overhear. "First you're drinking during our lunch break, and now you're picking fights with civilians."
"I'm sorry. I ... I haven't been sleeping well."
Kara snorted in response, but said nothing.
Lee shifted uncomfortably. Even with the sleeping curtain drawn, there was no privacy in their quarters, only things people pretended not to hear. "It won't happen again."
"You've been acting weird for weeks, Lee," Kara said, more concerned now than angry. "What's going on?"
His posture went rigid. "*You're* accusing *me* of strange behavior? After some of the shit you've pulled?"
"I'm not *accusing* you of anything, Lee." Putting her hand on his arm, she said, "I'm worried about --"
He jerked away from her touch. "We have a prisoner to interrogate, Lieutenant," he snapped out.
"Do your job."
He went inside to start Valance's interrogation, forcing her to fall in line behind him.
:Cloud 9 Ballroom:
He'd finally figured it out. The dreams were simply a manifestation of his body's need for sex. He wasn't sure why he was dreaming about a man instead of a woman, but for the moment he was going to chalk it up to stress. Not that his relationships with women had ever been all that successful anyway, he reminded himself. All he needed to do was find a willing woman, get laid, and the dreams would stop. He'd never had sex with someone he wasn't actually dating however, so he wasn't quite sure how one went about arranging a one night stand.
He should ask Kara. She would know. Where was she anyway? He glanced around. She never missed a party . . . . No. It couldn't be. Kara Thrace in a dress? She was gorgeous! He walked over to her, more than a little stunned. "So, um, that bum knee of yours is looking pretty good." He couldn't help looking her up and down. "And the other one's not too bad either."
"Lee, if you want to ask me to dance, just ask."
"Do you want to dance?" He'd always heard the best relationships start out as friends. Maybe Kara and he . . . .
In all the years they'd known each other, he couldn't remember ever having danced with Kara before. She was surprisingly light on her feet, considering her knee injury and the way she clomped through the passage ways on Galactica. It must be the shoes that made the difference, he thought, looking at the heels she had on now.
"I should have known you'd have to look at your feet when you dance," she teased, moving with the music.
"I was actually looking at yours," he said, smiling. "Are those shoes the latest medically approved treatment for knee injuries?"
"You gonna squeal on me?"
"Have I ever?" Serious now, he added, "Just promise me you`ll sit down if it starts hurting."
"Awww," she grinned. "You're going to make someone a wonderful mom someday."
He opened his mouth to say something about having enough parenting duties as the CAG, when he stopped so suddenly Kara bumped into him.
Lee saw him.
He wasn't imagining things; he knew he wasn't. Leaving Kara speaking mid-question, he ran after the man, almost pushing people aside in his overwhelming desire to catch him. "Sir! Wait!"
Startled, the man turned around just as Lee finally caught up to him.
It was him.
The man he'd spent the past 15 nights moaning, and laughing, and loving with. The man he could still taste when he woke up covered in sweat. A blush spread up his face. "Excuse me. Do I . . . ." Mortified to hear his voice crack, he cleared his throat. "Do I know you?" Lee asked uncertainly.
He smiled, that same dimpled smile Lee adored in his dreams. "You do now." He held out his hand. "I'm Caspian."
Lee hesitated, then slowly shook his hand, almost shocked to touch warm flesh rather than some disappearing figment of his imagination. Caspian said something to him, but Lee was only aware of the tattoo he could now see between Caspian's collarbones - the Mark of Aphrodite.
Caspian was a socialator.
Lee had a bad feeling his life had just gotten more complicated.
He should let go of Caspian's hand now.
He really should.
Any time now.
Definitely a lot more complicated.
End
PTSD - Post-traumatic stress disorder
In BSGTOS, socialators were the equivalent of courtesans or geishas. The Mark of Aphrodite is my own invention.
Jamie Bamber played Horatio's best friend, Archie Kennedy, in the Horatio Hornblower series on A&E. Horatio was played by Ioan Gruffudd. The movies are set in the British Navy during the Napoleonic war.
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