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A Reason to Live
by Larry Edwards
Title - A Reason to Live
Author - Larry Edwards
Pairing - Lee Adama / Kara Thrace
Rating - PG-13
Archiving - BSG 2003, Apollo/Starbuck Fan Fic, all other's please ask
Warnings - someone dies, some angst
Spoilers - None
Author Contact - l.edwards@gci.net
Disclaimers- Battlestar Galactica and its characters are the property of someone much richer than me and I don't make money from these stories so please don't sue.
Summary- After a patrol, Lee needs a reason to live.
The patrol was... eventful. Red streaks tore the black fabric of space searching like a nest of angry hornets after its target. The Cylon Raider glinting silvery death against the shimmering stars flipped and pulled turns that seemed unnatural; deftly avoiding the burning rounds. Captain Lee Adama, call-sign Apollo clenched his teeth in annoyance as he pulled the viper into a deep S-turn at the last moment forcing his fighter into a yet tighter turn. His eyes tracking the Cylon, his finger rested on the trigger, needing only to squeeze a little to unleash hell. When he heard the voice of his wingman over the wireless so clear it was almost as if he was in the cockpit with him.
"Frak!" Thomas Aquinos, call-sign Griffon yelled. Immediately Lee's eyes flickered over to where his wingman was supposed to be.
"Where are you, Griffon?" Captain Adama yelled while trying to stay with his prey, the twists and turns punctuated by brief bursts of fire that seemed to just miss his target. Eyes soon widened at what Lee saw caused him to ask himself... `How in the Gods' names did Griffon get in front of us?'
"I couldn't stay up with you Apollo, I tried, but I misjudged one of the turns and pulled loose of the pursuit." There was a pause when Lee could hear the grunt of the force of a hard turn that Apollo watched Griffon make just ahead of the Cylon he was trying to kill, soon he and the Raider were making the same sharp turn. "Sir, he's trying to get a lock on me. Get him off my ass! He doubled back and next thing I know the he was on me!" Blue lights flashed from the barrels of the Raider, shards of light slicing at Griffon's viper, just missing.
"Okay, Griffon, I need you to get clear of him so I can get a clean shot. On my mark pull up then..." Apollo was stopped cold when he saw Griffon pull his viper into a tighter inward turn. Lee kept firing trying to pull the Cylon away, the inward curve was pulling the fighters in spiral that soon would bring the Cylon into his sights, but not before it got..."Pull out Griffon! Frak! Pull out; you're turning into his fire!" As he was yelling Lee watched helplessly as streaks of blue caught up with the viper, viciously ripping into the rear of the fighter quickly tearing it apart becoming just another colonial warrior's funeral pyre. The Cylon soon shared its prey's fate as the bolts of red punched into the crescent shaped fighter tearing into the machine's cockpit; the fire and debris blossomed outwardly.
The echo of Lt. Aquinos death cry still echoed in his consciousness as Captain Adama pulled his ship into a wide figure-eight circuit looking for more Cylons.
"Galactica, this is Apollo, enemy Raider destroyed, lost Griffon. No signs of any more enemy contacts." Lee's voice calm and steady as he reported only wishing his mind was in the same state.
"Confirmed Apollo, get back aboard." Colonel Tigh's scratchy voice was tinged with regret at the passing of yet another warrior. Warriors were a scarce commodity, as scarce as the equipment and supplies they needed to subsist on. Already the Galactica had relayed the jump command to the civilian ships with the last minute revelation of the jump point coordinates.
"Confirmed, Galactica... enroute." The statement came out as a growl as he kicked in the afterburning thrusters, Lee replayed the battle in his mind, trying to figure out how he had lost his wingman, more mistakes to add to a long list - no matter whose fault, he was in command. Lee felt tired, not physically, but deep within his soul as if he had lived one lifetime too long.
Minutes later he was climbing out the cockpit of his fighter, the ground crew was quiet, haunted or more likely numbed by a loss of another pilot... of another precious viper. Tyrol nodded quietly to Apollo whose face was emotionless, and hard. The Crew Chief watched the CAG slowly walk to Pilots Ready Room, possibly trying to figure out what made the Captain work.
Lee pushed the door open and walked past the rows of empty chairs, his mind filling the room with ghostly images of pilots who were long dead... from those of Galactica mixed with those of Atlantia he had left behind. Another lifeless face appeared in the room in a far corner. Shaking his head clear, Lee Adama walked over to the pilot's status chart, he grabbed the eraser and soon had rubbed clean the name of `Thomas Aquinos - Griffon' from the board.
Gritting his teeth in anger, Apollo threw the eraser across the room, not even looking to see where it hit the wall and fell, his eyes closed tightly in frustration. He wanted to scream out in anger and ask the questions, whose answers he already knew but hated. Standing up straight, he took a deep breath and released it slowly, trying to relax his features, though his eyes were still bright with emotions. He slammed the wall with his palm then pushed away walking towards his office to write a report of the incident. The only consolation if you could call it that - was that all of Griffon's next of kin were dead, and so he would at least not have to write a condolence letter.
Captain Adama soon found himself in his chair staring at the words he had entered in his report like so many reports he had written lately. Leaning back in the chair he stared up at the ceiling wondering how much longer they could go on... how much longer could he go on? A sound warned him of an approaching visitor, sitting up straight Lee positioned himself to look busy not even looking up at the doorway when a soft voice called to him.
"Are you okay Lee?" He froze for an instant his eyes still down cast widened with recognition, sitting back he faced Kara who moved and leaned against his desk bent slightly forward gazing at his face, into his eyes, and possibly searching for his soul - he wished her luck. Lee returned the look with a touch of defiance; he learned never to back down especially with her. His first impulse to loudly order her out of his office and his business; but, that would have only raised alarms with her and then his father - besides it wasn't his style.
"I'm fine Kara, why do you ask?" He kept his voice level, crisp, and professional. Her eyes narrowed with suspicion as she pushed away from his desk and stepped back, as if trying to solve a puzzle. In the moment of silence, Lee raised an eyebrow in askance. Kara gave him a knowing look that seemed to fill Lee with even more words than she could possibly have wanted to say. Lee closed his eyes and hung his head, hoping that she would take it as a sign of physical exhaustion; but, he needed to break away from her eyes as if stopping her knowing gaze from reading everything held back from her.
Shaking his head, Lee Adama looked up and saw Kara with her eyes bright with... hurt? Taking a deep breath, his lips thinned in determination. He stood up slowly, his left hand rested upon his desk, almost as a crutch. He had to bring his eyes to the level of hers, watching as she took a tentative step closer to the desk... to him.
"I'm fine Kara... really." She didn't believe him and that was obvious. He glanced down at the printed report he needed to send to CIC, leaving the paper dangling from the printer. He looked up almost daring her to say more... to get closer. Lee knew Kara felt uncomfortable getting too close, like putting your hand near a flame and then pulling back as the heat became unbearable. He saw the hesitation in her eyes, in her stance and his eyes hardened. If she wanted to know how he really felt, then she needed to grasp the flame and hold on to it... to trust him.
It was a two way street and Lee Adama knew it; he also knew that Kara Thrace kept herself closed most of the time and if he was going to let he have him all she would have to take the first step. This wasn't about sex or anything physical, that's the easy part and one she would share; but, in doing so he would risk the chance that they would never move forward. He could already see her eyes flickering away, backing away from the flame. She murmured an assent - the words didn't even matter to him; she then gave a small smile that even now tugged at his heart with what he hoped was a promise of someday and then walked out to get ready for her patrol.
It was his biggest gamble... he wanted it all and he was up against the best card player he knew. The question was - what was she willing to risk on them... he already knew his answer. Their old life had ended... their new life beginning and he wanted her to be more than a periphery participant in his. He had numerous regrets that filled his lifetime... he only he hope this gamble wouldn't be one of them.
Tearing off the paper he looked down at it hoping that one day that there would be something better. A lifetime that is filled with something other than regrets, anger, revenge, and death; a lifetime filled with a reason to live. He looked at the doorway she had exited and a small smile tugged at his lips - he had his reason to live.
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